Someone Saved My Life Tonight

The perfect storm had finally arrived. There were no new shows on network TV to watch. The Spurs had played the night before. Nothing to keep me from watching my beloved Rangers. Just 45 minutes before game time, the phone rings. It’s the wife.

“Honey, I think I’m going to stay at the office for a little while and get a few things done.”


“What’s on TV tonight?” She meant among the shows we watch together.

“Nothing,” I respond.

The voice on the other end of the phone brightened. “Then maybe you can bring me some dinner and keep me company while I get my work done!”

And just like that, a night of watching Texas Rangers baseball went down the tubes. Little did I know the misery that phone call saved me. It was bad enough to monitor my cell phone, listening to the audio feed, and hear the beat down the Mariners put on Derek Holland in the second inning. It was with beyond disgust that I finally disregarded said cell phone while the M’s were in the midst of their second consecutive 8-run inning. In the end, I couldn’t help but wonder what the outcome for me would have been had I stayed at home and watched the game on the TV.

My wife could have come home to find her husband dead on the sofa, two Boston Terriers licking his lifeless carcass, having suffered a heart attack over what he had just witnessed. Or even worse, a 50 inch TV with a broken screen.

So I thank you, my dear. You saved my life by getting some work done at the office.

There’s nothing one can take out of a beat down like that. The only thing I know for sure is there is an excellent likelihood Yoshinori Tateyama has thrown his last pitch in a Texas Rangers uniform. You can’t even qualify for the position of long relief when you only can last 2/3 of an inning in that role while giving up eight runs.

A game like last night puts the Roy Oswalt signing in a new perspective. Oswalt is slated to replace Neftali Feliz’ place in the rotation, currently being occupied by Scott Feldman, who I’m sure has now silidified his chance of returning to the long relief role when Oswalt arrives. But what do the Rangers do if Holland continues to regress from his breakout 2011? Dutch’s ERA went up a full run after last night’s 1.2 inning, 8-run performance. He’s gotten ripped in at least three of his starts thus far in 2012 and looked visibly shaken by the time he was removed from the game (or so it was described in the audio feed). In that context, the addition of Oswalt becomes more critical for this team.

I’m not here to make jokes about how this is what happens when Dutch shaves his infamous ‘stache, as he did yesterday morning. I’m not even going to compare the final score to a Cowboys-Seahawks game. I’m just going to move on, thank the Yankees for finally beating the Angels last night, enjoy the day off before Friday’s series opener in LA, and thank my wife again for saving my life last night. Or at least the TV’s life.


One comment

  1. WrigleyRegular

    Wow that was ugly. I checked box scores at one point and saw it was something like 14-0, then to look back and see a final of 21-8. But hey, at least you had dinner with the wife.